Grilled Cheese Donut with bacon oh fuck #PandaFood #DrunkInDeepEllum
#Tbt #Rare #GorgeousPanda @miles_canady and lil sis. Been Thuggin.
So Monday I spent my first two hours at work bawling my eyes out. I’m so hurt. I never thought I’d say this but I think I’m battling depression right now. I loved her so much and to be dumped and replaced so quickly has absolutely killed me inside. I can barely eat. And I sleep so much because that’s the only time I find peace. Random people at work ask me if I’m ok. I have pain in my chest and left arm. I really am broken. The last time we talked she told me to try to find happiness. She was just that: my happiness. I invested so much of myself into us and when she left, it felt like she took everything. I feel so empty. They say when you’re depressed it effects your memory and you can’t seem to remember positive things. This couldn’t be more true for me. No matter how hard I try all I can see is the pictures and videos from her new guy’s instagram. They look so happy and careless. Like they’ve been together years. I’m crushed. It’s as if she’s dragging my carcass around behind her as they live happily ever after, going places and doing things we did once. The past three years seem like such a blur now. From beginning to end it seems like our relationship passed in a matter of seconds and ended so abruptly. Why? If this was a sign from God telling me there are better things in store, I can’t wait to be shown. She was everything I could hope for. My dream girl. And in the end it was me who couldn’t keep up. Always a step behind and a buck short. She lost interest along the way and I couldn’t deliver or fix things. I lost the girl of my dreams. She was such a beautiful soul. I completely immersed myself in her. When we were together nothing else mattered to me and now its as if I have nothing. My thoughts are morbid at best. I spend my day staring into space or with my head down trying to force myself to sleep. Some days I don’t have the will to go on. It takes everything in me just to get out of bed and live. Everything I do is with heavy heart and clouded mind. I know we’re young. I know we’re part of a very self-centered generation. I just thought we were different. I thought we could last. But apparently nobody does. Loyalty in our current world is a thing of the past. Spoken on but never truly exercised. I feel like the last loyal, longterm relationship advocate on earth. It’s always me left in the dark scrambling to pick up pieces and mend my heart. I’m lost. I have no idea what to do. Through everything I wish her the best. She lost me and found her happiness. I’m devastated that I’m in no way involved. If I ceased to exist tomorrow, would she notice? Or continue her new happy life with the one who “gives her everything I didn’t.” It feels like I’m nothing. Worthless. I can’t see the bright side for the first time in my life.
Co-worker drew this portrait of me today. #Rare #GorgeousPanda #Abstract